Here I am! Writing my first “actual” blog post. My suitcases are fully packed, my “DO THESE THINGS NOW” list has been scratched through, and my goodbyes are dwindling down. I will leave my house for the airport in 5 hours, and in 24 hours I will be in Georgetown.
I have been asked several times during my last few days in Kentucky how I feel about my big move. Of course I have replied to these questions with “excited!!” Or “finally ready, I think!” (with a cheesy grin on my face). But how DO I feel about this big move?
These are the things I feel: anxious, sad, excited, afraid, guilty, apprehensive, nostalgic, uncertain, loved. These are the ones I can figure out well enough to put into words for you. The other ones lay somewhere between all of those words and are emotions I have yet to figure out.
This summer a veteran volunteer explained her experience of international service as one with “new emotions”, and encouraged sitting with these new emotions and fully feeling them, getting to know them.
This is how I feel right now. I’m experiencing all of these emotions that I can name, but there are tons of new emotions in my heart and in my head. I don’t know their names yet; I don’t know whether they will help me or hurt me. I’m listening to these new feelings and emotions as they influence me and become a part of my life for maybe the first of many times, maybe the first and only time.
All in all, the feelings in me right now are good ones! I actually am excited (cheesy grin turned genuine!) to reunite with my three volunteer/room-mates and to explore a new city with them. I’m excited for a new culture and new people. I’m nervous to become a teacher, but interested in seeing how I do. I’m incredibly sad to leave my family, but am already looking forward to relaying the Guyuna life to them over phone and email, often. These excitements will accompany experiences I am so grateful to look forward to having, and make the tough goodbyes a little easier.
My next “to do” is to open my whole self up to the beginning of this new journey, and to enjoy my last (quick) sleep in air conditioning and without a mosquito net…